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September 2007

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Nick shelley

gingitsune_kahi in obsporktion

If Franziska wears gloves because she's a cutter, what does that make Damon Gant?

Title: The Black Gloves

Author: LazyCatfish27

Rating: Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Coffee cannot save you now. D=

Warnings: Rampant OOC!Franziska, omg the wangst!, cutting to feel aliiiiiiive

Sample:

Franziska: Who is this foolishly foolish fool who keeps writing me as a self-injuring fool? *Whipcrack*

Godot: I think we’ve all seen this one before. *sips his coffee* This author insists on writing a rampantly out of character Franziska von Karma, as well as Rapist!Edgeworth. Definitely disturbing. Well, once Silvy introduces the script, we’ll get down to business.


Silvy: Because this is so short, I’ve included most of the fic, minus stuff that isn’t so bad. It’s not a mess in the sense of grammar and punctuation; the author paid attention in English class, apparently. It’s just that poor Franziska is so out of character, it’s disheartening. We know she’s played JFA, she has another fic entitled Evil Matt Saves the Day, in which she manages to screw up Matt Engarde’s characterization by having the truly evil and manipulative Matt Engarde turn into a woobie. Who saves ADRIAN, no less. But that’s another sporking, and random_prophet’s, no less.


Godot: *shakes his head* Bad fic is not my rule. Let’s get this over with. Thank god it’s the short fic this time.


Franziska: Indeed. *cracks her whip again* She will see what distressing the true perfection of a von Karma will get her.


Franziska picks up some angst from the store…


‘Once inside the store she carefully selected a mix of items. Shaving cream. Razor blades. A bathroom rug. Pancake mix. Rubbing alcohol. A box of tissues. Lipstick. Condoms. (She didn't know why she bought the condoms, it's not like she could find a guy who wants to have sex with her.)’

Franziska: O-objection! What is this foolishness? I happen to have a very healthy love life!


Silvy: I’ll say. I think everyone knows it, too, what with the pictures Lotta got of you and Gums—


Franziska: *proceeds to beat the hell out of her*


Godot: Oh, I remember those. I think Gumshoe ordered prints. I know he has them up on his Lawspace page.


Franziska: WHAT?


In which our dear prodigy cuts herself so that she can feel SOMETHING:


‘She stripped off her gloves and laid them aside.

"I do NOT have to be perfect all the time," she said to herself as she opened the package of razor blades.’

Franziska: Obviously, the author has no idea of what it means to be truly perfect. I don’t use razors; they can leave cuts. I use Nair, so that my legs are silky smooth and, of course, perfect.


Silvy: Uh, Franziska…I don’t think it means what you think it means.


Godot: Let her bask in ignorance a little while longer, we’re almost at the big reveal.


Franziska: *stretches her whip taut overhead* What was that, coffee-boy? What else would it mea – *reads the next few lines* …WHAT.


"I don't. I don't." She continued to chant this to herself as she drew the blade across the palm of her hand. She switched hands and made a long cut on the other palm, in the midst of a patchwork of similar white scars. Then she held her hands out in front of her and wathed with blurred vision as her blood flowed over and splashed onto the bathroom rug...

Silvy: Now, frankly, I’m not quite sure what causes self-mutilators to injure themselves, but I AM pretty sure that it would be a bitch to hold a whip while doing that shit.


Godot: No kidding. Not to mention the fact that Franziska is way too proud and stubborn to even contemplate hurting herself. I doubt that she feels so emotionally burdened that she has to start cutting to relieve the pain.


Silvy: Even if she is a little fanatical about her win record, she’s not going to become emo and start slicing on her wrists because she’s lost a trial. We’ve seen how violently she’s reacted to the news of her loss.


Godot: She beat Maruhodo into unconsciousness, remember? It may not be healthy, but the last time I checked, that’s not self-mutilation, it’s assault and battery.


Franziska: *is flexing her hands around the handle of her whip* How…how dare she. Mar my perfect hands? Why would I do that when it’s much easier to take out my wrath on the thing that has offended me?


Godot: See? She’s already itching to beat someone. *ducks as his coffee mug explodes from a well-aimed whiplash* HEY. NOT COOL.


Franziska: Do I look like I care, fool? Even Mr. Phoenix Wright has failed to irritate me so much.


Silvy: Aw, cheer up, Franziska, it’s not like they wrote a horrible contrived plot where you’re a goth, with a shitty fake name, who was kidnapped by werewolves when she was three and …


Godot: …


Franziska: …


Silvy: …


[All three look at the computer screen, where these words glow ominously:
Once Sympathy is finished I'm going to start We Are Wolf. I don't know if it would be called AU or not, it's more like giving the main characters an alternate history... a year after DL-6, the von Karma family is murdered in revenge for "The Katja Mond Trial" but Edgeworth is left alive. He ends up being adopted by Phoenix's parents and becoming a defense attorney... and when he is 25 years old he comes face to face with a very Goth Franziska von Karma. She is going by the name Letitia Crent and doesn't remember him. She was only 3 years old when she was kidnapped by werewolves, after all...’]

Silvy: Fic is over. NOW.


Godot
and Franziska: AGREED.



(lol, 
lawspace plug. =D) Crossposted to my personal journal.

Comments

Haha, awful story, great sporking. My day is made.
*takes a little bow* It's only the small step in the fight against badfic, but one we're hopefully winning. =D
Oh, man, I so agree. Thank you for sporking this, when I first saw it on ff.net, I also thought it was ridiculous. I also saw Fran as someone who lashes out when they are angry/upset, not someone who hurts themselves. I mean, that would be much too weak to do in Franziska's eyes, like she'd be admitting defeat.

And sadly, this author is a repeat offender. They actually made Maya and Franziska half sisters somehow. I mean, by the time you find that out, the story had already had gone down the hill considerably, but that revelation finally did it for me, I just couldn't make myself read it anymore. Maybe someone here should spork that one, since it almost deserves it more than this short fic.
I think that everyone has claimed at least one of this author's fics to spork. I know random_prophet has claimed Phoenix MELT, or as we like to call it, "Degrassi: The Gyakuten Years." I hate this author with a passion, simply because she won't go the gently caress away.

...I should spork more of her fic. Possibly We Are Wolf when she finally posts that poo poo, as we know she will. *goes to ff.net to contemplate it* I chose this one because it was short and it's my first spork.
What. Of all the characters to write as emo... D: Poor Franziska.

Great sporking. :D